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The Oracle

OracleStories about The Oracles beginnings are rampant in the communities that surround Armadillo Gym. Some say he watched with passive disinterest as the Wright Brothers completed their first flight. Others say that he invented the telephone but lost the patent to Alexander Graham Bell in a poker match 1875.

Who knows what’s true and what isn’t. The Oracle claims to have witnessed every major moment in history from hiding in the bushes and watching the apple drop in front of Sir Isaac Newton to attending the reception for Albert Einstein when he won the Nobel Prize in Physics.

During the golden age of bodybuilding The Oracle was present getting swole right beside Arnold and the bros. This is where he met Pompeii.

Together they noticed a disturbing trend. Idiots everywhere. The gym started as a sanctuary, a brotherhood of sorts and was quickly turning into a playground for the uniniated. Bros started to try and “hook up” and Friday became national arm day. Worst of all fitness became big business which left the door open to cheats and scoundrals. Brozilla’s and Kimbo’s had a place to find each other and started reproducing at an alarming rate.

Pompeii vowed to fight this trend to his death but he couldn’t do it without The Oracles help.

Some say his power to project the future comes from the neon fanny pack that never leaves his waist. Others say the fanny pack holds his keys and a $20 bill in case he gets lost.